Note to Readers: This is a sarcastic and witty portrayal of the Council of Islamic Ideology logic behind their certain conditions and bans. All of it was written to make a point for obviously those who would understand. This is in NO form a piece of literature that portrays Blasphemy, in all respects it’s the complete opposite. This piece was not written to be offensive to any gender, particularly the very sensitive males that came up with these conditions and bans in the first place. If this by any means hurts you, disrespects you, or offends you then please know that I am very sorry. Yeah, no I’m not sorry at all only because you didn’t think of me when you came up with these conditions or bans. I was just pulling your leg, in a metaphoric way not the ‘na-mehrm’ way.
8 Conditions CII has proposed for Allowing Husband to Beat His Wife and the Common Sense that Follows.
- She defies his Commands
That’s what commands are made for; to be defied. Like when I “Commanded” you to bring home milk and you forgot.
- Refuses to Dress up as per his desires
It’s 104 C here, I have to cook, clean, look after babbling children, all while being at home while the electricity goes out, so excuse me if I don’t wear a sari. But I’m game if you wear a Sherwani.
- Turns down demand of intercourse without any religious excuse.
Apologises on this one gents, referring to pt.2, I don’t need a religious excuse; my daily life routine is an excuse enough. Unless, you plan on giving me a break and a spa date instead!
- Does not take a bath after intercourse or menstrual periods
Gees, I would expect a slap across the face to bring me into my senses if I didn’t, thanks for that. But just remember, the next time you masturbate I’ll expect that you took a bath, which means I’ll see you in the shower thrice a day.
- Women do not observe hijab
How about educating me like a sensible human being. *mic drop*
- Interacts with strangers
Thank GOD for this one. That means you’ll be the one doing the grocery shopping, taking the kids to school, attending parent teacher conference, taking out the trash, buying my ALWAYS pads, bras, and underwears for me. And obviously buying my clothes, duh! Oh and how can I forget! Taking my place when I’m ill and need medical treatment.
- Speaks loud enough that she can be easily heard by strangers.
Apologies, next time on a third class compartment in a public train or bus that is jammed packed, I’ll be sure to whisper that our stop is here.
- Provides monetary support to people without taking consent of her spouse.
Well obviously, if it’s your money it’s courtesy and reasonable to ask, especially since you were saving that money to take me on a surprise vacation to Dubai.
But if it’s my hard earned money, remember that I have the religious right to do with it as I damn well please.
Now if it’s solely yours then how about we refer to point no.5. Or the next time a beggar comes knocking at our door in noon, I’ll be sure to call you to ask if I should spare ’em that extra 10 rupees on the desk.
5 Things which should be banned as per CII and the Logic behind It.
- Co-education after primary education
Well duh! Because the whole world is compartmentalised that way.
We have separate bathrooms for males and females. We have separate work offices for males and females. We have separate hospitals for males and females. We have separate supermarkets for males and females. We have separate restaurants them. We have separate NADRA OFFICES for males and females.
So it makes so much sense now that we should have separate classes for males and females. Especially for higher education institutes since obviously when we reach the job market AROUND THE WORLD we’ll have concrete walls separating the males from the females during conferences and meetings. The only way to communicate would be through memos, and everybody loves memos.
- Women from taking part in Military combat
Well I’m dumbfounded to this one.
CII please explain Nusayba Umme Amara. For those of you who may be seeing the name for the first time please read the following:
“Nusayba Umme Amara is credited with being the first female Muslim soldier during the time of the Prophet Muhammad. Nusayba fought in the Battles of Uhud, Hunain, Yamama and Hudaibiyah. Initially, she accompanied the Prophet Muhammad to battle to provide assistance.
During the Battle of Uhud, the Prophet Muhammad’s archers deserted their posts. In response, Nusayba physically defended him with her own sword. In a famous tradition Prophet Muhammad is recorded as saying that when he turned to his left, he saw Nusayba; when he turned to his right, he saw Nusayba. She in fact sustained a deep wound to her shoulder as a result of combat in that battle.
During the governance of the first Caliph, Abu Bakr, Nusayba fought alongside her son in the Battle of Yamama where she lost one of her hands in addition to receiving 12 wounds.”
- Women should be banned from welcoming foreign delegations, interacting with males and making recreational visits with ‘na-mehram’
Do you mean all men or just the foreign ones, I’m kind of confused here.
With the foreign delegates it makes sense, I mean foreign policy is so much better conducted by males; like when Zardari met Palin, or when Hilary met Shah Mahmood Qureshi.
And let’s not forget current PM Nawaz Sharif reciting to the current President of the US using a scripted note and phonics. None of us felt an ounce of “Sharmindagi”, instead we were proud of our representatives.
But why are you overlooking someone like Begum Ra’ana Liaqat Ali Khan? Let’s jog your memory guys; First Lady; Stateswoman; Pakistan’s Ambassador to Netherlands, Italy and Tunisia; Executive Member of Jinnah’s Working Committee and economic adviser.
And why hadn’t Fatima Jinnah “Madr-e-Millat” popped in this conversation?
As far as interacting with males in general goes, I’d like to refer to Shafa Bint Adwiya (I guess CII missed her, along with Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Ayesha bint Abu Bakr, Umm Rooman, and a plethora of other Great Women in Islam, while obviously making rules that benefit our society)
“Shafa Bint Adwiya who was an intelligent woman skilled in politics and respected for her wisdom (some 1500 years ago). Prior to converting to Islam, she used to administer medical treatment to patients. Following her conversion, she asked the Prophet Muhammad PBUH if she could continue and he encouraged her to do so. The Prophet Muhammad PBUH also asked Shafa to teach one of his wives how to read and write.
Shafa’s skills were not limited to teaching and medicine exclusively. The second Caliph Umar ibn Khattab, who is accorded great deference in Islamic tradition, highly valued Shafa’s opinion and consulted with her.
Further, he placed her in a leadership position by entrusting her with the administration of the marketplace in Medina. As such, she was responsible for ensuring that all business transactions were in accord with the law. She protected consumers against fraud and other unsavoury practices.
It is worth noting that Shafa was so successful in this post that the Caliph decided to appoint another woman (Samra bint Nuhayk) to oversee the market in Makkah as well.”
And in terms of re-creational visits, can you be a little less vague because all this vagueness is so confusing. So you mean the re-creational visits that school kids go on with adult supervision, or do you mean grabbing a bite to eat with 5 other colleagues male and female after operating on a patient. Or do you mean re-creational visits as in sipping tea before a conference or project presentation with male and female colleagues. I bet it’s the tea… I was always suspicious of tea, reminds me of oppression, in a historical sense if you get my flow.
I’m only asking because the most popular re-creational visit is going out to eat since we lack a Six Flags in this country.
- Female nurses should not be allowed to take care of male patients.
Wait a minute…Hold your horses there… What about Ramlah Umme Salim?
The Prophet Muhammad stationed with the army during the early Muslim battles against the Arab pagans. Ramlah Umme Salim helped supply water to the soldiers and nursed the wounded. In this manner, she participated in the Battles of Uhud and Khyber.
- Women should be banned from working in Advertisements.
Aside from the apparent sexualising of women that is portrayed in the media and advertisements which should be controlled and tackled in a sensible way,
I’d like to point out the following;
Well obviously, because as a woman I can relate to a man wearing Gul Ahmed, Khaadi, etc. which totally would make me want to buy it even more. And a dude representing me in an Always commercial totally makes sense. And let’s not forget an AD for Nesvita showing a guy drinking milk to intake calcium which he totally needs for his wellbeing and for bearing children.
I mean this can actually be quite helpful, as women we would no longer need to feel the pressures of society to look good all the time.
Oh wait! I forgot about point 2 of CII’s why husband’s should hit wives; my bad!